Meagan is doing much better!

We had another follow up appointment regarding her infection. First blood test was not good it showed increased infection markers. They were concerned that she was becoming immune to the antibiotic, so they ordered an x-ray to see if they could still see the abscess and infection on her left tibia. So after four long weeks of waiting it showed great improvement. Hopefully, she will get off the antibiotics in a couple weeks. Its been a tough couple of months. My poor baby has been taking them since May 7th. So for all of you following me and giving me support through this very difficult time, I am very thankful. But I need you to keep it up!!! We need good results and the next appointment later this month.

After a year of fighting LNI I won and finally got paid, but of course the black cloud of doom that has been surrounding me for two plus years took over. I received a letter in the mail from unemployment say they have decided they overpaid me and want me to payback $7500. So much for getting back on track. Let the good time roll!!

On a good not my beautiful healthy nephew was born and he is amazing. I couldn't be more happier for my brother Grant and sister Julie. Their little son Grant William Towns is so adorable. I will say I am very envious, I cannot wait till, Adam and I have our next child. Next year is our goal. I need to get more financially stable and healthy before that happens. I now know I want to have another child more than ever. I am seriously excited. We are going to wait till the new genetic testing gets done first and than if they are all good we are getting pregnant.

I used to think I would never have anymore children because of Meagan having special needs but, the more I think about it the more I realize, who is going to be there for her if we are not. She needs a brother to look after her. I hope its a boy, when that time comes! All in all life is tough, nothing we can't handle. It never gets easier, but as long as we have each other we can get through anything. I am so lucky I have my hubby. He really is an amazing dad and husband. It shocks me that we have been together 19-years. That is crazy!!!!!

Happy Birthday to my dad

Today July 18th is my dad's birthday. He is gone now, but it still feels so fresh like I just lost him yesterday, even though it has been almost two years since he passed. For me its only been a year and a couple of months. Does it get any easier? Some days I feel normal, but then today comes and I find myself very say. Nothing in my life is going good and I feel so lost and hopeless sometimes. I miss my family so much, I miss Airie more than words can express. I have been trying so hard to keep myself busy to keep busy and not dwell on things I cannot control. I am focused on saving my family and getting Meagan healthy, but can I please get a break from all the loss I have had in the last two years?

What more do I have to endure before life gets easier? I just want to raise my family and be part of the lives of those I love. The rest I wish would go stop. Life really should be easier. My amazing husband and Nick created an amazing water fountain for me, that I love. I probably should have expressed this to them more, but I am so exhausted and overwhelmed I fear I have hurt their feelings. I really love it though. There are so sweet.

Everyday this week they have worked on our property and it is look really good, they are planning on painting our house tomorrow. Wow! I just wish I could feel more happy. Life is full of loss and failures. I feel like I have let my family down. I have no income and we are hurting really bad. I feel like a complete failure to them. I can love them to the end of the earth, but money is what we need to fix our issues.

Hopefully LNI will get of their lazy butts and pay me my time loss before we lose our house. Its only been almost a year since I won my lawsuit.

On a happy note; my brother's son should be born soon and I cannot wait to meet him!!!!!

Meagan got her new power chair!!!!!

I have the best support group that helps me with my daughter. Sharon her physical therapist is the best in the world. I cannot thank her enough. She has been with my daughter since the start of this school year and she has managed to get Meagan: a new manual chair, bath lift, and power chair. I am so happy for my daughter. You should have seen her showing off her mad skills driving around the track at school. She was adorable, I haven't been this happy in a really long time. At least for that brief moment. She put her chair in the fastest mode and cruised around the track passing everyone, it was awesome. She was cruising and squealing the whole way around the track. I have never seen something so precious in my life. I never new love could be so heavy.

Meagan's infection has not changed much, but it has not gotten worse. She is starting to get her appetite back and the swelling is almost gone, but she has been getting sick when she takes her mid-day dose of meds. We have been trying feeding her and spacing it out a little bit more, so hopefully my poor couch doesn't come victim to more up-chuck.

Meagan has found You-Tube and is really addicted to Annoying orange. Its really funny and she has to watch it constantly. I love to see her happy, so as long as he doesn't keep getting his head cut off and making her cry, I am cool with it. I wish they had parental features for You-tube.  She manages to find all sorts of videos. One night I look over at her and she has silent tears running down her cute lil-cheeks and so I look at what she is watching. It turns out she found a story about these conjoined twins, and they die. She totally understood what it was that was happening and was crying. It was really sad. But now she has to watch it all the time. I have tried deleting the video and she still can find it. She is too smart for her own good.

My husband and I have finally agreed that we are going to have another child, even if we have another child that is special needs. I have a hole in my heart and it needs to be filled. Strange. I never thought I would say those words after having Meagan, but I want her to have a sibling and it better be a boy. I know we will get what we get, but I want a boy. I have a few hurdles before I can get pregnant, but by next year we plan to start trying to get pregnant, SCARY.

To add to my extra lovely month, my unemployment ran out and that really sucks. I was told I had until December 31, 2012 before it ran out, but no it done. So now I have to put my schooling on hold and get a job. Maybe I can do both, I really hope so. I want to get my degree and provide a better life for myself and my family. We shall see.

I life always difficult or is it just mine

It has been a very trying week. It started off with me in the ER, with my back out again. Then, once I got home and was resting, I get a call that during visitation Airie was in a car accident with her mom and grandma. I rushed to get her, thank god she is ok. Then, the next day Meagan complained that her left foot hurt. I thought that maybe someone took off her AFO's and did not put them back on correctly and just kept my eye on it. The next day she was crying that it hurt really bad, it wasn't swollen or bruised, so I sent her to school. When she got off the bus, I noticed it immediately, her leg was swollen. I called her doctor and he wanted us to come in immediately. She was seen and sent to the ER immediately to rule out a blood clot or injury. We were there for several hours and had a tentative diagnosis of cellulitus and bacterial skin infection. The next day her leg was twice the size as before, so I called her doctor and took her in. He was not convinced of the diagnosis and wanted a blood panel, so back to the hospital we went. She was on a broad spectrum anit-biotic so they were sure that would help. The following morning her leg was even larger, hot to the touch, and she had a temperature with the already present rash. The doctor wanted us to come in ASAP. Once we got there he checked her out and said he wanted her admitted into the hospital, he wanted her monitored closely. So off to the hospital we went. They immediately put her on a strong IV anti-biotic and there we stayed until Monday when they could do more tests. Happy Mother's Day to me!

Thank god to my husband, he took care of Airie so I could be with Meagan. Everyday they came to the hospital and played with Meagan, who you would never know she was sick by how happy and sweat she was. It always amazes me, at home she was non-communicative, lethargic, and crying but as soon as we get to the hospital she is happy and delightful. She amazes me, I am so grateful for my angel. Monday they did an MRI. They found out that not only did she have cellulitus; she had a sever bone infection of her left tibia and an abscess at her ankle. They said if the abscess doesn't go away they might need to do surgery to remove it. Crazy. If I had not been paying such close attention to my child she could have died from both of these infections. The good part is that the anti-biotic's they started her on once we were in the hospital are the same one that treats both infections, she will have to be on them for the next 4-6 weeks. Sucks;but, at least she will get better and hopefully not have to have surgery. Tuesday, we got to go home. There's no place like home, there's no place like home. I couldn't be happier, until I got a phone call from my husbands mother saying they had court that morning and got custody back of Airie. The CPS worker took her from daycare and did not even let me say goodbye. It was also really nice of my husbands family to say in court that I could not take care of Airie because my daughter was in the hospital. Shitty Ass people. For the last 21-months I have cared for her without incident and they have done nothing to help me at all, even when I had three surgeries in the last year and they do not even let me say goodbye to her.

They are monsters. I will never again allow myself to be hurt by them. I am done. My husbands sister gets her daughter back so she can show her how to be a drug using, thieving, promiscuous, leaching, peace of crap. She can't even take care of herself let alone two kids. Poor Airie, she is going to be stuck with her lazy mother and child molesting sister, she won't have a chance. My only hope it that the time she has spent with me will count and that she will not turn out like them. Hopefully, she learns what normal can be, and strives to be that way, because if she doesn't there will be three of them in this world and that is a sad, sad thought.

I cannot beleive that the CPS worker was that much of a chicken shit. She took Airie from daycare and did not even call me to tell me that they were returning her home. I had my husband take her things over to his moms house I couldn't bare to see them, it just hurts too damn much. So, it has been one hell of a week. Tomorrow is my birthday and I want nothing more than to spend the day in the past. If I could wish for anything in the world I would wish for some peace in my life, that and that my daughter could have a normal life.

Does CPS really protect children, or destroy them?

For the last two years of my life I have done everything I can to make sure my little niece is safe. I have helped her mother so much that it put my own family to the way side and for what? To sit in a meeting with her and have her tell me she know I am filling her child's head with stories of molestation. WOW! Really? What kind of messed up person can say that to a family member who has help them as much as I have her. Even though she is the one that has hurt my family time and time again. First when she stole the money from my bedroom. Then when she committed a federal crime when opening my mail, stealing my debit card and then draining my bank account. Not to mention all my credit cards, which she used and tried to do cash advances on them, but that is where she made the mistake I had fraud protection on those card. They notified me when that type of activity was tried on the cards. All to feed her drug habit. But still being the doormat that I am I forgave her, NEVER will I forget. Actually I can't really say I forgive her because I really don't. She does nothing to make her life better. If she had perhaps maybe things would be different. Maybe I wouldn't want her to go to jail for her crimes. I am so glad I kept the evidence on DVD from the convenience store where she robbed my account. I struggle with this, should I turn her in? Should I just move on? Will it help anything by turning her in? NO she just get bailed out like always. So I keep it in and try to move on knowing very well that, she can never have a place in my life and those that support her hurting my family will not either. Not that they really do anyways. Its a conundrum.

My niece came home from her overnights with her mom and said that her sister once again touched her crotch and described masturbation to me. This is about the sixth plus time she has said this and CPS has done nothing to protect her. She finally gets brave enough to share her pain with others and I get told she seems coached. These people are crazy, how many Powell families will there have to be before this broken system is fixed. The social workers have too many cases to keep an eye on them efficiently, nor do they actually care what really happens to these children. I have done everything I can do to help keep my niece healthy, happy and safe for nearly nineteen months without incident, but they are trying to make me out to be the bad guy. When the reality is that its the opposite.

Enough is enough! My husband and I have a really hard decision to make tonight. We may have to remove ourselves from the equation and that sucks. We will have to, and its sad that it has come to this. But what other choice to we have.

Sad Times at the Pritchard House

These last few days have been a test at my strength; as a person and as a mother. I never new pain could run so deep. I know my time is limited with Airie and so does she. She is my little shadow. Every morning she begs me to stay home and snuggle with me. But I really want to keep her routine the same, that is paramount in any child's development. Tuesday nights are the hardest. She comes home after being away for four days and she is emotional. I have been letting her stay up a little longer than I normally would so that I can spend one on one time with her. Sometimes she is happy and sometimes she is devastated. I let her feel however she needs to feel and I tell her over and over that she is the most loved little girl in the world and that no matter what happens I want her to be happy and not sad. This week I held her constantly, she cries and doesn't know what to do with herself. It tears me up inside. I don't show any emotion, that is not for her to see, but when I am alone, I have to let it out.

Last night was good, she finally was happy again, once I had forty new hair styles and held her constantly. She is so worried about losing me it concerns me. The worst part, its only going to be worse before its better. As they increase visits with her mom she is going to be increasingly upset, she has already shown these signs. I know I am doing the best I can, for her, but I am so worried about her.

My daughter is really attached to Airie, and when she is gone, she asks about her alot. They have been good for each other. Its really funny Meagan has to talk over the tops of the little motor mouth to be heard and she has finally found her voice. I am a proud momma! I know that when my husband and I have our next child she will be the best big sister. Meagan is so wonderful!!!

I guess we will see how the future turns out. I hope someone will intervene and change the future, but I couldn't be so lucky!

My nightmare is coming true!

Last week CPS had a meeting to decide if Airie will be returned to her mom and they decided they were going to return her. Which, was what I was afraid of. I always knew it was a possibility, but hoped they would open their eyes and realize they would be destroying her life. But, none of that matters, they are going to do it anyways.

They decided they would slowly increase visitation and overnight stays and then permanently place her back with her mom. I think this is almost worse than, just taking her away immediately. Now its a long drawn out process, that is putting the poor child through hell. I feel so bad for her, she is so torn. She said she loves her mommy and wants to go home, but is happy and safe here. She said she doesn't have nightmares when she is here and that at Nana's house she get really scared at night. How sad, she is only four years old, she shouldn't be having nightmares. I wish there was something I could do to help her.

She also is torn, because she is happy here. She is so torn, she loves her family here and there, it's terrible. I wish our fate was different. There is so much I would have done to help her cope. I planned on getting her into therapy, but CPS stopped me, saying it was denied. The councilors she met with, said she needed more than the ten sessions they could do for free. They felt she needed long term help, so this doesn't haunt her future. What makes it worse is that once she is home, she will get lost in the chaos of her sister and lose all the growth she has made. I was talking with her daycare workers and they made a comment that, when she first started there she was so behind. She could not speak full sentences, she did not know her colors or shapes and now I have gotten her to the point she can read some small books and even spell her name. They said she is very bright and right there with the school age kids. That makes me so proud. What a huge improvement. I am so proud of her.

What's going to happen is she is going to fall back into the old ways and lose everything we have worked so hard to teach her.

NEGLECT! IS LONG LASTING CHILD ABUSE!

How can we be the only ones who see how bad it will be for her? I really hope the people I have called will step up and help me!