Overnight visits have begun.

Last week was Airies first overnight visit and from her perspective it went ok. She did however say her sister, freaked out constantly and hit her several times. In addition too, she said that her sister kept sneaking into her bedroom all night long and she couldn't sleep there. She came home so tired and upset it was terrible.

Then tonight I picked her up and went to get take out she said basically the same thing and went to sleep as soon as she was done eating. She cried alot and said she was scared of her sister. She said she kept bothering her all night and touched her crotch.

Last week I took her to the doctor and they said they would file a report. Cps came to Airies  daycare and promptly closed the claim. What are they going to do close their eyes until this child has been destroyed. Then her grandmother informed me that Airies was also spending the night Monday which has not even been approved by Cps. This of course once again puts me in a crappy situation. Why can't they just follow the rules. They don't give a rats ass about me and the crappy situation they keep puting me in. The CASA or guadian has not even approved the overnights. This is gotten rediculous. I almost can't take it anymore. I feel like calling them and telling them I am done and they need to make other arrangements for the child. But then I would just be hurting her and that I cannot live with. I will tell you one thing when this is over, I am done. They will not see my child, talk to me nor have a relationship with my next child. Adam and I plan to have another child by next year. They have chosen sides and will need to live with that.

Court Today, Wow the state loves to waste money!

Today we had another court hearing regarding my niece again and we once again got no where! It was "There has been good progress on the mothers part, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! See you in three months." I can't stand it anymore. I hate being in limbo. Aireonna had her first overnight visit with her mother this weekend and came home and cried in my lap all evening and was totally exhausted. She said her sister kept coming in her room all night long and hurting her or just plain bugging her. She was so tired she was asleep by 7pm.

They keep telling Airie that she is going to be going home in three weeks, but no one has said that and to be frank it terrifies me to think she could go home. The poor girl will be tortured by her sister. Its bad enough the three days a week she is visiting now. I have to completely stop all her bad behaviors she picks up from her sister. It sucks. She is going to go home and get lost in the craziness of that situation. I wish  there was something I could do to help her. It really sucks!

My Meagan on the other hand is doing really well the injections really helped her this time. She is a teenager now and super hormonal. OMG! Puberty Sucks!!!!

The little trooper did great!

I had a minor meltdown when the nurse could not get the IV in because she would not listen to me. I kept telling her how and what to do but she would not listen and of course it turned into me being a complete raging psycho and an IV specialist to do it correctly. But all in all she did great. She weaseled two toys out of the nurses like always and was as sweat as she always is. She makes me so proud. I love my little angel. Afterwords Airie wanted to cover her in bandaids and then said she had a boo boo everywhere so she could get some attention. So for the next two days it was the attention wars. But its ok, we don't know how much longer we will all be together, so I tend to give them what they want. I think Meagan senses things are changing, she is very in tune with my feelings. She has been very clingy, and pushing Airie away. Where as before she wanted her next to her at all times.

Another life changer is that my baby got her period. OMG! I cannot believe it. I new it would happen eventually, but I was hoping it would be a little later and I could pretend that she is not growing up. She is changing so much I can hardly stand it. So now I have to get her a physical and decide if we are going to allow her to have her cycle or stop it. I think the least medical intervention the better. I don't really know what I am going to do yet. I am just going to see how she handles it and take it from there. We are however, going to have the geneticist redue all the testing that was originally done to rule out any diseases. Its alot to take in, but its better to know than not to know, plus it will determine if we are going to have more children.

I have been having alot of anxiety lately about Airie going home. I know its not fair of me to feel this way, but I have had her for almost half of her life at this point. I just worry about her sister. I know she is doing somewhat better than before, but its not enough, she scares me. I would just die if anything happened to Airie. But the good thing is that it is not up to me, the Judge will get to make that bad call. Poor baby.

We have court on Tuesday and I am terrified that they could let her go home. I would hope they wont be that dumb. But we will cross that bridge when we get there. So for all of you that believe in God, pray.

I will update again after court!

Wednesday Meagan has more injections

Once again we prepare for more injections. Even though we have been through have been through this process, it scares me no less. I am so thankful my husband boss is so understanding and lets him work his schedule to be there with me. No one makes me feel better than him and I know Meagan loves that he is there. I know she will be that brave little angel she is. But anytime your child is placed under anesthesia it is scary; they could possible not wake up or like when she had heal chord surgery, she got medical pneumonia. That was especially terrifying. Her doctors are pros and never put her in danger. It sucks she has to go through this every three months, but she is a tough cookie. I know parents always say they broke the mold when they made my child, but I truly feel this way. She is unique and special in every way and I would do anything for her. She truly make make world bearable. School this quarter has been good, I am having trouble in one class, as always! One class I worry about and then I pass it and the worry was for nothing, but this class I am not so sure about. I am going to meet with my instructor on Wednesday and hopefully she can help me. I am sure it will work out fine. I am going to apply for the job I spoke about in my last post. It would be an amazing opportunity, I really hope I get it!!!!!!

Its time for the superbowl, not that I really care but I'm sure the half time show will be entertaining. I really only watch it for the commercials:)