Monday, March 21, 2011
Now the doctor's want to start all over again with new genetic testing. Ahhh!
It has been several years since any testing has been done on Meagan and now the doctor's want to start all over and re-due every test they have already done. But they also want to do muscle biopsy, which I am terrified about because they take a piece of muscle and test it. I don't want to put her through that pain, its very scary. I almost don't want to know. We are happy right now and I don't want to do anything that will change it. However, if she does have something that is life threatening but manageable I want to do everything I can to give her long and happy life. Decisions, decision, why can't life be easy? I am also scared to know the truth, what if she does have a genetic disease? That means we definitely won't be having anymore children. That makes me really sad. I always pictured us have two children hopefully a girl and boy. But that is not the cards that we were dealt and I will have to be a big girl and do the right thing. They are going to start out with the blood tests again and more MRI's. I know its going to be fine but there is nothing worse then not knowing and waiting for all the test to come back negative. I am only going to work with that thought process because anything less would be a dent in my armor. I love my daughter more than my own life and would give it without a single thought if she could have a normal life. Why did this have to happen to her. I remember when she was a baby and I used to tell everyone they better keep on Meagan's good side because she is going to be the first female president. I'm sure every parent feels this way about their children. Our children are our legacy. One thing I have learned in the last six months is that I am even stronger than I thought and my future is going to be limitless. I know this and I will work my ass off to get it! But still in the back of my mind I am terrified to get bad news. I don't know how I will deal with that. I can't even imagine a world that does not include my baby.