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Saturday, December 17, 2011

Can my life be more difficult!!!

Last week I had surgery again! This is the third time this year and it really sucks. I am doing good this time. Thank GOD!!!!! The last surgery I got really sick, but I didn't get sick this time. I am just in a lot of pain. Christmas is next week and I don't really have any money to buy my husband anything really decent. I got him a couple of things, but I never feel like its enough. He does so much for me. Every day he gets up early and gets Meagan ready for school before he goes to work. He picks up our foster niece Airie from daycare and he works 7-days a week just for us to barely make ends meet. All for me to get well and go to college. He said something to me last week that really stung. He said I am always putting him down and calling him names like stupid or talking bad about him to people. I was really taken back by it, because when I say things like "your stupid" I am always joking and don't really mean anything buy it. But you can never really tell if what you say to someone they are going to take it the way you mean it. I will have to make sure I am more careful how I say things  and in what context I use them in, I never want him to feel that way. But then I also find myself going back to past times that he has said way worse to me, yet I have let that go and it was ten time worse than anything I could have ever said to him. Like my birthday this year. What I have learned is that it never matters what has happened to you, it what you do to others. VERY TRUE!! One thing is for sure, Adam: my best friend, husband, father of our child, lover, confidant, number one supporter, money maker, fixer of all things broken, my piece of mind in the crazy life we live, and most of all THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, deserves to be made to feel important and all those thing I have listed before and I must remind myself everyday this so that he never feels that way because my life would be nothing without him in it. Period.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Hi Everyone again!!!

It has been a while again but life has been really busy. Yesterday, Meagan my little angel turned 13 years old. It is shocking how fast time flies. She is getting so big and so grown. It was really cute, my mom called and I missed her call but she left a message singing Happy Birthday to her. Meagan loved it, she made me play it ten times at least through my car stereo. It was really funny, she sang right along with it and so did Airie. They are so cute together. Lately Meagan has been a little possessive toward me with Airie. But whenever Airie is not home she asks for her BABY all the time. She call Airie BABY. It so darn cute. They love each other so much. It was a really nice day for Meagan. I took cupcakes to school and the school choir sang her happy birthday, she felt so special it was really neat. Then when my husband came home we went to an early dinner at Olive Garden alone just the three of us as a family. The only thing that was missing is that her other grandma and grandpa did not call her on her birthday. First my birthday and now Meagan's, its really sad. They totally forgot Meagan. I can't believe it. Even my friends called Meagan, but our own family didn't even bother to make her feel special like everyone else did. What is even more sad it that Meagan really adore them. She will forget and move on because I will do everything possible to make up for her not having her grandparents. She will never feel that loss again, it really sucked because she asked about them all day long and I had to lie to her and tell her that they would call her or come by and not to worry. But it never came. I told her another lie that nana and papa were really busy with her cousin and couldn't call, they really wanted to but they couldn't. Its so sad, thirteen birthdays and this was a really important birthday, she is officially a teenager!!!! As for me life is the same. I am always the bad guy when it comes to Airie and court delayed for three more months. I have come to terms with her going home and I am fine with that all I want is her to be safe. She is not safe and making constant allegations against her sister of molestation. When Airie is interviewed she doesn't talk and then tells me that her mommy told her she couldn't. It makes me sick to think that a mother could buy off her daughter to protect her other daughter one that needs real help. Its really sad and it has torn apart our family. It will never be the same. When this is over, I am done. I will probably never have a relationship with these people again. We will survive, we always do!