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Wednesday, October 12, 2011

God HELP ME!!!!!!

Why does everything in my life have to be so hard? Haven't we been through enough???

I ask myself these questions everyday, and never have the answers. Since my surgeries I have had a serious reality check. Mortality is a B****.  Family is supposed to be the ones you can count on in life, but since I got custody of my niece, my husbands family(not all of his family his aunts have been amazing and we love them so much) have started treating me like I mean nothing and we aren't sacrificing anything. Life for us is very difficult and having another mouth to feed, clothe, and provide for is not easy. Most people would not do this and they take us for granted. His sister called me really horrible names over the phone when he confronted them and then acts like it never happened. Unfortunately, I am not made that way, I remember every little thing that I have ever been hurt by and it never goes away. I already have let go of the fact she stole my debit card and ripped us off two weeks before christmas. She never paid us back and acts like it never happened. She doesn't even give us money to help raise her child. I have had her daughter for a year now and in that year she has bought: groceries once, bought her daughter some toys, a bike she doesn't even want to ride, and a couple of outfits. Oh and a portable DVD player and a couple of movies. There is more to providing for a child than buying her with a couple of items. There is food, power bills, medical, well most know what goes into raising children. Those that don't have their parents pay for everything and take no responsibility for their own lives at age 36. If the roles were reversed and a family member took in my child when she was with strangers in a foster home at three years old, I would be thankful and not hateful. But that is ok, I am not doing this for her, I am doing it for her daughter. She deserves to have a normal life.She deserves a structured life that has no stress or an abusive sister. She is very loved by everyone and one of the sweetest little girls I have ever loved (besides my Meagan of course!) and as time goes on I cannot think of my life not including her. For the first time in her sweat little life she has friends, new cousins, and she is no longer shy, she is confident. The thought of her be lost in the chaos that she was in makes me sick, she has come so far and made so much progress, since living with us. Its amazing!

We have court again at the end of November, so we will know more about little ones future. I know if and when she goes home, they will limit when she gets to see us. That will break my heart and daughters heart. Meagan loves her so much its adorable. Every night before bed the kiss each other good night and tell each other they love one another its cute. My daughter still has to work on her stinginess but she is an only child, that is normal. She is getting better about it. There are a few special items that only she can play with that she picked out and that has helped. But she is still a little brat when she wants to be!

I miss my dad. Today, I saw a Harley Davidson pocket watch. My dad would have loved it. Little things like this keep throwing me for a loop. I was watching the Kardashian wedding last night and Kim loses it when going through her dads belongings and I lost it again. I just never know when it's going to hit me. I think I am doing so good and then bam, crying like it was yesterday he died. Its been a year on 9/5/11, but for me it feels like yesterday, I have only known since 3/1/11.

Thank you everyone, who has supported me and my family. You have no idea how much you mean to me to receive you amazing comments!!

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