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Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Happy Birthday to my dad

Today July 18th is my dad's birthday. He is gone now, but it still feels so fresh like I just lost him yesterday, even though it has been almost two years since he passed. For me its only been a year and a couple of months. Does it get any easier? Some days I feel normal, but then today comes and I find myself very say. Nothing in my life is going good and I feel so lost and hopeless sometimes. I miss my family so much, I miss Airie more than words can express. I have been trying so hard to keep myself busy to keep busy and not dwell on things I cannot control. I am focused on saving my family and getting Meagan healthy, but can I please get a break from all the loss I have had in the last two years?

What more do I have to endure before life gets easier? I just want to raise my family and be part of the lives of those I love. The rest I wish would go stop. Life really should be easier. My amazing husband and Nick created an amazing water fountain for me, that I love. I probably should have expressed this to them more, but I am so exhausted and overwhelmed I fear I have hurt their feelings. I really love it though. There are so sweet.

Everyday this week they have worked on our property and it is look really good, they are planning on painting our house tomorrow. Wow! I just wish I could feel more happy. Life is full of loss and failures. I feel like I have let my family down. I have no income and we are hurting really bad. I feel like a complete failure to them. I can love them to the end of the earth, but money is what we need to fix our issues.

Hopefully LNI will get of their lazy butts and pay me my time loss before we lose our house. Its only been almost a year since I won my lawsuit.

On a happy note; my brother's son should be born soon and I cannot wait to meet him!!!!!

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