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Monday, June 20, 2011

Life is too crazy these days!!

I just finished my first semester in college and I got 104%, 101% and 94%!!!!! Super proud of myself. Tomorrow is court day, I always get scared because it could be my last day with my niece that I have had custody of for almost nine months now. Also on Wednesday Meagan is getting more Botox injections and then on Thursday I am having shoulder surgery. Is my life crazy busy or what? If I lose Aireonna tomorrow, I am going to be devastated, but I have learned a very valuable lesson in taking her into my home and heart. I am even stronger than I thought I was and I now know more than ever before that Adam and I need to have another child. The only thing that is stopping me right now is my injuries. I know I cannot carry a child with a herniated low back disc. So I am going to get all healed up and I am going to have a baby next year or so, no rush! But I also don't want to wait forever, Meagan is 12 and I don't want my kids to be that much further apart in age. I have started making a scrap book of our time with little Aireonna, so that when she does go home and Meagan misses her I can pull out the book and she can look at it and hopefully it will make her not miss her so much. For me, I think I am going to get counselling. I have had so many losses in my short life that I have to find another way to put them away in a health manner. It hard enough having a child with special needs, but I have never really dealt with the pain of it, there is never any time to deal with my feelings. I have too many others that have to come first. I know that is not the healthiest thing in the world but such is life, no matter how bad I feel or sad I feel they need me and they come first. I can have my pity parties when I am alone.
College has been really interesting, I am glad I waited until now to go because if I had went when I was younger I don't think I would have done as good or taken it as seriously. All of my instructors gave me incredible compliments and that felt really good. I have a hard summer quarter coming up. It will definitely be a test of what I can do, but I am super excited about it. I am in a really good place right now. I still have some hard days but things are getting better: I paid off my van and caught up my house so we wont be losing either which is a huge relief. Now we just got to get some of our other debts settled and we will be in the best position we have been in, in about five years. Its progress!

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