These last few days have been a test at my strength; as a person and as a mother. I never new pain could run so deep. I know my time is limited with Airie and so does she. She is my little shadow. Every morning she begs me to stay home and snuggle with me. But I really want to keep her routine the same, that is paramount in any child's development. Tuesday nights are the hardest. She comes home after being away for four days and she is emotional. I have been letting her stay up a little longer than I normally would so that I can spend one on one time with her. Sometimes she is happy and sometimes she is devastated. I let her feel however she needs to feel and I tell her over and over that she is the most loved little girl in the world and that no matter what happens I want her to be happy and not sad. This week I held her constantly, she cries and doesn't know what to do with herself. It tears me up inside. I don't show any emotion, that is not for her to see, but when I am alone, I have to let it out.
Last night was good, she finally was happy again, once I had forty new hair styles and held her constantly. She is so worried about losing me it concerns me. The worst part, its only going to be worse before its better. As they increase visits with her mom she is going to be increasingly upset, she has already shown these signs. I know I am doing the best I can, for her, but I am so worried about her.
My daughter is really attached to Airie, and when she is gone, she asks about her alot. They have been good for each other. Its really funny Meagan has to talk over the tops of the little motor mouth to be heard and she has finally found her voice. I am a proud momma! I know that when my husband and I have our next child she will be the best big sister. Meagan is so wonderful!!!
I guess we will see how the future turns out. I hope someone will intervene and change the future, but I couldn't be so lucky!