On Thursday, there is going to be a meeting to determine if Airie will be returned home. Its a mixed bag of emotions. I know without a doubt she should not go home, but I am also aware she loves her mommy. I know when she is there she is somewhat happy, but when she is here, she is safe and happy. I don't believe she is ever safe at her moms, her sister is too un-stable. Its scares me to think that this little angel could get hurt and lost in the chaos of her sister. But I have no say in what happens. One thing I know without a doubt, is that everything I have done for Airie the last 18-months means nothing to her mother or to the in-laws. What my husband and I have sacrificed to care for Airie means nothings. I find myself having a hard time of not telling CPS everything, the actual truth. I know they don't give a crap about me or what this has done to me, so why not. Maybe they should know everything? Its really hard to stand by and let someone you love be in harms way. I pray that if there is a god, that she is protected and doesn't experience too much loss when she is taken from me.
For the last three days she has been with her mom. They just decided not to return her. I am done fighting for them to make the right choices. What hurts me the most is why couldn't they just give me this time with her. If she is leaving on Thursday's, why couldn't they just be decent and let me have what few day I have left with her.
When this is over, things will never be the same, I will make sure of it. As far as I am concerned, they will never have a relationship with my child again. I am done. This last disrespect is the last one. I cannot do this anymore. When you add up everything that has been said and done the last few years it is just too much for me to stop looking at it and continue forgiving everyone. I cannot do it anymore.
I feel broken and betrayed beyond repair. I am a strong woman and will be just fine, but I will never forget the hurt and pain that has been dealt to me and I will never allow it to happen again. Period.
I may not have a real say in Airies life, but as far as my daughter, I do and I will not allow anyone to be near her and hurt her anymore. Everyone has been hurt in my home, my daughter included. She doesn't understand why her baby is gone. She misses her so much. Thank god I have other family that actually cares about me and will help fill that void.
Thank you everyone that has supported me over the last year. Especially those who have given my unconditional love and have stood by my side during this very difficult time. Adam as always your are my rock, never forget that you keep me grounded and are the love of my life (besides Meagan of course). I love you all so much!